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grief
it's a rollercoaster, and having experienced it before doesn't make it any easier
when you only have a short time together, every minute, hour, day and week matters
today, tonight, is the eight week anniversary of the last night I saw my love alive, the night I went to sleep with my head resting on his chest and woke to him gone, and all that entailed
it is also the eight week anniversary, prior to that, of the first time I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat, and woke surprised and stunned that I had met him
because we had such a short time together, the reaction of others to my grief is amplified, as they expect me to "get over it" or assume my pain doesn't matter, because they knew him longer
his UK family has been incredibly kind, and understanding
others, less so, but we also process our grief in different ways, and I need to honour my love by honouring others' passage through this
he would expect me to be better than I often feel as I go through this
Showing posts with label shock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shock. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2018
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Others' reactions ...
When my love and I had been together a few weeks and were already deeply in, he mentioned that he was getting approached a lot more by other women, "hit on" as he put it.
His rescue greyhound was a great conversation starter and I seldom walked him without striking up conversations with others, but these were more than just conversations, he said.
I replied that I wasn't surprised, that when one is loved and in love, their whole demeanour changes. Confidence increases, there's an air of contentment that was previously missing and a new spring in the step.
It wouldn't have hurt either that he had this constant, slightly goofy grin after we got together that made his already handsome face even more lovable.
One's whole demeanour changes with grief also, but not for the better, I would say.
So I'm surprised to find myself being hit on a lot lately, as if there's something attractive about my new vulnerability. The flirtation usually stops as soon as I mention my partner recently died, but it's something I never expected.
Also something I don't understand.
His rescue greyhound was a great conversation starter and I seldom walked him without striking up conversations with others, but these were more than just conversations, he said.
I replied that I wasn't surprised, that when one is loved and in love, their whole demeanour changes. Confidence increases, there's an air of contentment that was previously missing and a new spring in the step.
It wouldn't have hurt either that he had this constant, slightly goofy grin after we got together that made his already handsome face even more lovable.
One's whole demeanour changes with grief also, but not for the better, I would say.
So I'm surprised to find myself being hit on a lot lately, as if there's something attractive about my new vulnerability. The flirtation usually stops as soon as I mention my partner recently died, but it's something I never expected.
Also something I don't understand.
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