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Friday, July 22, 2016

preconceptions . . .

. . . are often misconceptions

I thought I grew up poor, but I grew up with a mother who would fight to get anything her children needed, and taught us to do the same. My Mom taught me to work hard and smile often, but also to not accept anything less than what I deserved

I thank her for that

my mum gave me all the riches in the world

Friday, July 15, 2016

Unique in our own dysfunction . . .

. . . the more I am welcomed into other people's lives and their families, into other countries and places I thought I would never be, the more I realize every family, every friendship, every workplace and every group is dysfunctional in some way. Because each of us is, in our own way.

So, yes, I'm weird and so are my friends, but I suspect everyone might be also, and that is fine within limits to the weirdness and dysfunctionality.

This weekend, as my sisters (who are braver than me) prepare to join our father's latest and last family and farewell the old bastard in traditional Tongan style. I realize that, yes, we are weird, but all families are. We are a little damaged, but everyone is. Some more than others.

Our first response of hearing of our Da's death was to contact each other, to ask "how are you feeling, are you ok?" Even those of us who don't really understand each other and don't communicate often did that and, for me, the instinct was also to check on the new family. I had consciously avoided them - why would I want to know the replacements in my father's life?

It was one of the current family who informed me, and he was gentle and respectful. My sisters, who know him well, say he is wonderful. I'd like to get to know the family. There's no need for me to be jealous any more - maybe I can just meet these half-siblings and tell stories and learn what we have in common. And what we don't - that's what family is.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

me Da . . .

My father died last night, and friends advised me to share stories to work through the grief, but most of my stories of my father aren't fit for sharing.

It is probably appropriate that I got the news from a half-sibling, who has become a good friend and family member to my sisters but who I have avoided getting to know. I didn't want to see my bad dad become somebody else's good dad - it was easier to have that void in my life if I pretended he wasn't capable of being a good dad.

I'm sad that it took our father's death for me to talk to my brother. I won't go to the funeral. I didn't go to my mother's either. I would like to visit my Dad's latest family (he was a one-man United Nations, children everywhere) and get to know them, but not right now.

For now, I'm going to look at this picture, and remember him carrying me on his shoulders as he strode down the beach.

He made me, literally. He also made me who I am, for better or worse. I look at this photo and can't help but smile - I got some of the adventurer genes from him (from my amazing Mum also, she was brave enough to marry him!). He gave me my love of the sea, he gave me the gift of storytelling, he gave me life and the desire to live it well.

Edward Patrick Joseph Barrett - farewell. I wish you following winds

Friday, July 1, 2016

Welcome to the SAR . . .

It's just over a week since I moved to Hong Kong and this evening I finished my first week at my new job. Which I am really enjoying and, best of all, is where I'm learning new skills each day. I've always believed a day is wasted if you don't learn anything from it and my colleagues here, who are all incredibly friendly and friendly, have much they can teach me.

As for Hong Kong itself, as I expected from previous visits, I'm loving it so far. I haven't seen much of it yet as I've been concentrating on the job and learning the area around my workplace, which has a lot to offer. The hotel I stayed in for the first week was literally five minutes walk from work so I explored the area in ever-widening circles for that week. I had stayed in both Causeway Bay, where the office is, and neighbouring Happy Valley on previous trips and it hasn't changed that much in the 10 or 12 years between. (Note I have gone back to British English spellings, that's what I use at the new job so it's best to make a clean change.) It's a different style of exploring when it is where I will spend five days a week though and I've found great markets, fabulous food options and a wonderful public pool that I overlooked from my hotel room and never seemed crowded.

Yesterday I moved further out to stay in my friends' apartment with their kittehs for six weeks while they enjoy Mongolia and Italy. They took me around the neighborhood last weekend to show me their favorite places and I'm again exploring each evening as I go out to gather (purchase) food items. It's great to have a kitchen again after a week in a hotel but I'm very glad I spent so long living on small yachts. I'm accustomed to cooking in a confined space and at least this postage stamp kitchen isn't being violently thrown around by stormy waters as I prepare food.

I'm incredibly fortunate my friends planned to travel just as I was moving here, allowing me the time to decide where I really want to live, but I must say I'm tempted by their neighborhood. I've barely looked elsewhere yet, however, and intend to spend my weekends doing just that for the next month. I really look forward to getting my own place and setting it up but am enjoying my time here with the feline overlords as well.

I'm also blessed to not only have my own network of friends here but to have been put in touch with friends of friends to help me settle in my new home. I'm having lunch with one such on Sunday and look forward to learning more about Hong Kong from a long time resident.

The adventure is back on track . . .