Talking Dirty

We’ve been talking some serious shit around the dinner/breakfast table recently.

At the weekend, herself cleaned out under the chookhouse and added it to the compost heap, I cut comfrey (oh, for a scythe) for the next layer. One of my tasks today is to gather cowpats from the top paddock to be added. Everything is a cycle, and good gardens require great compost. It’s all about putting food on the table, and shit from chickens and cows is a boon there.

Whanau members visited for a few days with a health scare that required coming to the big city hospital for a colonoscopy. The daughter, a fae  sprite, was phobic about the bucket toilet out back. She elected to stay and entertain the pups and I yesterday while her parents went to the city and toileting would be needed. We walked the dogs, talked about how dogs  needed to be exercised and toileted, and discussed why she was afraid of the outhouse. She was afraid she would fall in, which is a horrible thought, I tell you. I asked if she had ever fallen in her flush toilet at home (“Of course not, silly!”), explained that the seat here is smaller than on a flush toilet and all was well again with her world. When she needed to go, I offered a peg for her nose if needed and she came back proudly to tell me she didn’t even need to block her nose.

The health scare appears to be just an irritable bowel problem, (blessedly) and the person concerned asked the IB nurse what foods she should avoid or eat. The nurse told her that what she ate was irrelevant. Excuse me?!? A quick Google gave patient reams of information that the medical profession here seems to view as irrelevant. Not a very holistic view of health, and certainly not a promising one for the nurse’s patients. 

Aforementioned bucket toilet is precisely that, a bucket that gets emptied into a hole and covered with dirt. It’s not a pleasant task and one I’ve managed to avoid every time but one, but when I had to do it, I ladied up and did so. It means you deal with the fact that human animals, if they’re fortunate, consume food and liquid and it gets expelled. Most people in the world don’t have flush toilets and how they deal with their waste is, in my mind, a better indicator of civilization than the size of their cities. In Jakarta, many thousands of people live on the edge of reservoirs and waterways and use the water to bathe, toilet and wash clothes. (Check out http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/waterworries ) A new house is being built where I am that has to have a flush toilet included, but I'm confident the bucket will be here to greet me when I next visit.

There’s a conversation that’s been going on in Aotearoa of late about “freedom” camping and the fact that many campers defecate wherever they are and leave it. There’s a carpark at the bottom of the hill for a beautiful track and often, when himself takes the dogs for a walk, there is human excrement and toilet tissue strewn there. It incenses me that anyone would come all the way here to one of the most beautiful spots in the world and treat it as their toilet. The mindset to do that must view it as not their home, as I doubt they shit in their own front yards, but isn’t Papatuanuku, the earth mother, the only home we have?

In Christchurch at present, there is a severe toilet problem and it’s not being handled well. Thousands of chemical toilets have arrived from as far away as the U.S. but no provisions have been made for emptying them and people are trying to empty them into Portaloos. Thanks for sending them folks, and thank you everyone else who has come to the aid of Christchurch BUT many people are simply using chemical toilets, which add chemicals but leave waste PLUS chemicals to be disposed of, which creates its own health issues..

The Otago Daily Times yesterday had this quote: 

“I live near a woman in her 70s who broke down crying, too embarrassed to go to the toilet in a bucket.”

I’m sorry lady, toughen up. (And while we're talking dirty, ladies, find a pleasant place to squat, the bucket is for solid matter - my favorite here has a view worth millions and an inquisitive pup to hold away, Take your tissues away with you, or use mallow leaves which are soft and silky.) 

I understand that the toilet problem is just one more straw added to the many that Christchurch has suffered since September and I don’t deny or attempt to belittle the magnitude of the trauma that all are experiencing. And, aware as I am of NOT being part of the immediate community, I'll quote Joe Bennett, a brilliant Lyttleton writer who experienced the quake and the recovery first-hand. In his most recent column, he wrote about how whanau and tribe responded. The entire column is worth reading (can't find a link sorry), but two sentences summed it up for me:

“On the second day power was restored. We were then better off than most people in the world.”

To paraphrase  him (kia ora Joe, great party you guys and the Navy put on last week), if we have a bucket and a spade, we’re better off than most people in the world.

For inspiration, http://www.showusyourlongdrop.co.nz/

Restaurant Review: Stammtisch at the Tavern Pub, Aryaduta Hotel Jakarta

Oct. 01 (Jakarta Globe) There’s something about being told items are forbidden that can make them all the more tempting. In this predominantly Muslim country, pork and alcohol fits the bill. To sample both, one can fly off to Hindu Bali, where roast suckling pig is a favored delicacy, or instead take a taxi to the Aryaduta Hotel Jakarta, which hosts a German stammtisch each Monday in its basement Tavern Pub.

Resident hotel manager Robert Kunz, a native of Germany, says stammtisch translates as gathering, and is a large part of Bavarian culture.

“Usually the men gather once a month on a selected day,” he said. “They gather together, they eat together, they drink together, they exchange about work, politics and fun.”

When guests are seated at the stammtisch, they are brought an ashtray with a bell attached, in addition to a selection of freshly baked pretzels. The tradition, Kunz explained, is that anyone who rings the bell is expected to buy drinks for everyone in the room. The rule is applied loosely at the Tavern, but Kunz said at many stammtische it would be treated very seriously.

Dinner was a buffet laden with heavy Germanic fare, and the humble pig featured in many guises, from roast hocks with crunchy crackling through smoked pork loin and several types of sausage. The chef will happily carve your roast for you, and the tender white meat set off by the crisp crunch of the skin is a taste I hadn’t realized I was missing until I sampled it liberally, doused with a tasty gravy. Sides of spaetzle, sauerkraut, potato and beet salads were also on offer, as were Bavarian-style beef rollmops, but pork is definitely the focus. The bread selection, another German specialty, was also excellent.

But, as good as the food is, and my friend and I ate ourselves into a hog-fed heaven (Katrin didn’t even leave room for the strudel dessert she had been rhapsodizing about since our arrival), the stammtisch is mostly about the gathering.

Beer is included in the buffet price, and regulars have their names inscribed onto their tankards. The weekly event has been going for about 20 years, Kunz said, and the tavern is the oldest German restaurant bar in the city.

“We have hard-liners who come every single night, it doesn’t matter how’s the weather, unless they are away on holidays.”

Newcomers are just as welcome as old friends, however, and we were quickly made feel at home by the regulars.

“You always meet new, interesting people,” Kunz told us. “You can make new relationships, new friends.”

The hotel chain is also hosting Oktoberfest on Thursday and Friday at the Aryaduta Hotel Jakarta, and on Saturday at the Aryaduta Hotel and Country Club Karawaci. Kunz said the ballroom would be dressed as a traditional German beer tent with a nine-piece Bavarian band flown in to play.

“There will be drinking games and telling jokes, and they’ll all be in traditional clothes,” he said.

“The people, with the music, they set up first on the beer benches, like you can see here. They will most probably start on the benches to sing and dance to the music. When the alcohol level increases, they will be on the tables, but this is all traditional like you can see on the TV.”

Tickets for Friday were sold out but still available as of Wednesday for the Thursday and Saturday events.

Tracie Barrett is a Jakarta Globe copy editor who formerly worked in restaurants.

Stammtisch At the Tavern Pub
Aryaduta Hotel Jakarta
Jl. Prapatan No. 44-48
Central Jakarta
Tel. 021 2352 1234
info.jakarta@aryaduta.com

Restaurant Review: Sailendra, JW Marriott, Jakarta

Aug 20 (Jakarta Globe)
I doubt there is a reader of this paper who is unaware of the bomb attack in JW Marriott’s Sailendra Restaurant on July 17. But perhaps fewer know that the restaurant reopened for business on July 29 and its staff are eager to renew their acquaintance with regular guests and welcome new customers.

My colleague Paul and I headed there on Sunday to try the restaurant’s brunch, although some workmates expressed nervousness about our choice of dining venue. I, in contrast, think the hotel is probably one of the safest places in Jakarta right now, a belief borne out when we arrived and not only went through a metal detector and had my bag checked, but were also patted down by security staff.

Restaurant manager Michael Scott said that although the incident had obviously affected numbers, regular guests were returning and the staff were happy the hotel had reopened as soon as possible.

The restaurant had more than 100 guests the day it reopened, he said, and the day we dined, despite being in the middle of a long weekend, it had bookings for 74.

Sailendra is one of three restaurants in the hotel that have weekend brunch available, with Pearl offering Yum Cha and Chinese dishes, and Asuka providing fresh sushi, sashimi and other Japanese dishes. An Asian Brunch Marathon package is also available for both Pearl and Asuka.

But we’d chosen Sailendra, wanting to show our own support for the staff, and arrived to a smiling welcome and an impressive array of food.

After being seated, we were directed to the juice stands, and offered a choice of other beverages from the bar. The inclusion of free-flowing alcoholic beverages adds Rp 100,000 to the cost — about the price of one drink in most high-class establishments in Jakarta.

I began my feast at the seafood bar, where oysters, prawns, crab and green-lipped mussels shared space with sushi and sashimi. I consider fresh seafood, oysters in particular, an ideal indicator of the quality of a buffet and these were great, still tasting of the sea and perfect with fresh lemon and ground pepper. We also had grilled lobster tails with dipping butter brought to the table, and duck livers, which Paul hadn’t tried before. Being a fan of liver in most forms, and especially pate de foie gras, I thoroughly enjoyed the liver, although it was a little salty for Paul.

The only problem I had, in fact, was one of plenty. There was such a good selection that choosing was difficult and sampling everything was impossible. From Western dishes to a fine array of Indonesian, Indian, Thai and Chinese options, it was all any gourmand could ask for. I concentrated on dim sum and Thai options, with fresh vegetables and fresher flavors, while Paul took on the Indian choices.

And when I truly thought I couldn’t manage another mouthful, we got the piece de resistance — apple strudel. It was divine, a perfect blend of fruit and spices in a delicate fluffy pastry, served hot with whipped cream and vanilla sauce.

Brunch will continue throughout Ramadan, although bottles of alcohol will be moved out of sight as a mark of respect for Muslims observing the month-long fast. But if you’re there at that time, you’re obviously not fasting, so remember to save some room for the strudel.

(Tracie Barrett was a copy editor at the Jakarta Globe who previously worked in restaurant and hotel management.)

Sailendra Restaurant
JW Marriott Jl. Lingkar Mega Kuningan,
South Jakarta, Tel. 021 5798 8888
Brunch Rp 238,000 - Rp 338,000
11:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m.