a little down, but bouncing back . . .

trigger warning, dear readers, this post is about depression, but I hope won't be too depressing

I don't talk about these things openly until they're through - I give hints but I don't really want to burden everyone I know with the thought that the only thing stopping me stepping in front of a moving tram is thinking about the people who would need to clean up the mess

cause, you know, they have hard enough jobs without me adding blood and splatter to it

but that's where I've been for the last few months - seriously deeply suicidal and depressed, also sick, tired and stressed, which didn't help

maybe those things go the other way in terms of cause and effect

I talk to a couple of people I trust to help me through at the time, and hang out with the others in my support group, and do meditation and yoga and crochet to handle it

it's over, and I have grown and learned from it

I'm going home, and I cannot be grateful enough for my employer for listening and caring and trying to understand

and sorry I let them down but, I was seriously trying not to step in front of a tram

my friends and whanau have been amazing now that I have put out the call (yeah, i missed out telling them about the stepping in front of trams impulse)

I am overwhelmed by the love and compassion and welcome arms

thank you, thank you all, I'm safe with trams again