D-I-V-O-R-C-E

I had a response to yesterday's post from a friend in Korea, saying I had been threatening to leave Korea for so long it was "akin to the boy who cried wolf" but he agreed if I am no longer happy here, it's time to move on.

The excitement has been missing from my relationship with South Korea for some time. We've reached the stage where we're simply tolerating each other "for the sake of the kids" and I'm constantly pointing out "his" faults. (I view most countries, like ships and waterways, as female, but I definitely view Korea as an old, set-in-his ways, misogynist male.) He, in turn, ignores me, and I'm not good at being ignored.

Meanwhile, in the wings, waits a richer, older, more experienced Kingdom. Offering excitement and adventure and really wild things.

So, it's time to leave South Korea. I hope we'll remain friends as he has been better to me than he's been bad. I'll visit, to see the kids and check how he is doing, but he's not been doing too well of late and I don't want him dragging me down any longer. I also hope to stop in and see his younger brother, North Korea, but the younger brother is capricious and may not allow that. We'll see how the relationship evolves - these things take time.

But, it's time to move on. To stop expecting Korea to change to suit me, to say thanks for the memories and always treasure them, and to look to my own future. The kids are old enough to look after themselves now . . .

Heading to the Middle Kingdom . . .

Gyeongbukgong - Seoul is showing it's best side as I prepare to leave.

I shared an article yesterday that inspired some lively debate among friends on travel, relationships and life. I am blessed with the amazing, talented, adventurous friends I have and they constantly inspire and challenge me. For me, while I didn't agree with the whole "find a partner" aspect of the piece, I loved the reminder of what travel offers. The following is from the article, with the romantic advice removed (I didn't even correct the writer's grammar and spelling) :

. . .  who’s lived out of a backpack because he lives happily with less. A boy who’s travelled has seen poverty and dined with those who live in small shanty’s with no running water, and yet welcome strangers with greater hospitality than the rich. And because he’s seen this, he’s seen how a life without luxury can mean a life fueled by relationships and family, rather than a life that fuels fancy cars and ego. He’s experienced different ways of being, respects alternative religions and he looks at the world with the eyes of a five-year-old, curious and hungry. 

It was a timely reminder as I prepare to go to China for at least a year, a choice that has caused very different reactions among the people I know. My soulmates - the adventurers or adventurous at heart - are excited for me and planning their own visits. An amazing friend had booked a 10-day trip within an hour of me making my choice public, I already have other visitors confirmed from as close as Seoul and as far away as Arkansas. Acquaintances have been more negative, but it's possible to find negative in anything if you try. I acknowledge their concerns and assure them I intend to have an exciting adventure, and even the bad times make for good stories when one is a writer. As for my beloved, I'm not quite sure.

Then, on my way home, I picked up a travel guide for China, wanting to start planning mini adventures and also to work out where I'll be living. The map was inadequate to give me more than a neighborhood but on browsing the book, I realized I know the area. The Pearl Market is there, where I've been to buy pearls (obviously) and silk on previous visits. So I now have a mind map of where my new home is in relation to the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square, which I view as the center of the city. It's become much more real to me, knowing that, and I'm getting excited.

I'm also excited by the magnitude of China and the knowledge my new employers want me to write of it, and also of the countries that surround it. I'm already trying to decide whether to take the Trans-Mongolian or Trans-Manchurian Railway on a trip to Moscow, and realizing that there is so much to see and do in China and it's near neighbors that a year will fly by in a mere blink. Did I already mention that I am excited?  

I will miss Seoul, and the city is particularly beautiful right now, but we're no longer happy together so it is time to move on. Korea has been good to me but I never intended to stay as long as I have. I'll still visit, we'll  stay good friends, but it's time to part. Jeju will always be part of my heart, but there are direct flights there from China so I'll still be a transient resident.

But for now, I'm making lists of where to go and what to experience and looking forward to a glut of topics to write about. I'm also looking forward to sharing the adventure with those friends who come to visit in person and those who come to read my tales of the Middle Kingdom.

The adventure continues . . .

Missing text . . .

I wrote a post the other night, that those few who read it thought the most personal and beautiful I'd written here.

I deleted it because I realized parts of it might hurt someone I have no desire to hurt. I hate that I lost the words, but I will always have other words.

Sorry to be so enigmatic. It has been brought to my attention that not all who read me do so because they enjoy my writing.

But, that's done now, on to a new and exciting post . . .

China, Korea, Aotearoa, America

WOW!

It's been a busy and hectic few weeks.

For those who have lost track (ME!), the Kiwi applied for a job in China back in December but large bureaucracies move slowly and, after many long conversations with many different people, got a great offer Tuesday.

She also, separately, was asked to manage the Seoul VFW because of staffing issues, and agreed to, not realizing how sick the smoke there would make her.

By the way, the flightless bird quit Yonhap in a fit of principle in December, was earning peanuts and being treated like a monkey at her new job and worried about her dearest being able to cover his bills and other commitments (but, being an American male, he would never accept her money anyway).

So, the VFW is now not only surviving but has a better manager, the Kiwi is very excited about China and friends already have tickets to visit, and she is counting down the weeks in Korea. Yonhap photo snafu's and the president's spokesman being an assclown in Washington are at least making that embarrassingly amusing.

As is a compatriot, who sent an e-mail yesterday that she was being detained by immigration and unable to contact the embassy. Obviously, that rings alarm bells, so the shy, retiring bird forwarded the e-mail to the Ambassador and publicity officer.

Here's where it is absolutely amazing to come from a small country - the message to the Ambassador came back with an auto-response that he was on leave for three days but in less than five minutes, he'd personally responded that he had people on the issue. They did what they could, as did the Kiwi.

As for America, I love it (and him), but am choosing China right now for adventure, travel, career advancement and food. Am hoping to survive the air, and looking forward to visiting friends in Shanghai and making new friends elsewhere.

Watch this space . . .

It's not only "their" fault . . .

A Jezebel article appeared on my facebook page yesterday about the concept of female "purity" and I read it quickly, agreed with much of it, and shared it. Then had a totally unrelated long conversation with a long-married man who is a "great provider," didn't argue with my love because he isn't talking to me again this week, slept  a little, thought a lot then reread the story today.

And, as much as I agree that the idea of purity and the whole "girls you fuck, girls you marry" concept is bullshit, I don't agree it is all the fault of males. I also don't agree that blaming males is any more valid than the whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" bullshit. (Apologies, John and Will, I'll tone the language down now.)

Quick reality check, people. Women are from earth, Men are from earth, both are human and fallible, get over it! The men writer Lindy West is complaining about on Jezebel were raised by women who helped instill their misogynist views. Elizabeth Stark was taught her "used gum" analogy by her parents and religious teachers, who were not all men. (I mean no disrespect to Stark's parents here, I understand they did not view her as "spoiled" when she returned but a precious gift they thought they had lost.)

But let's be honest, ladies, are we any better? How many times have I read articles by women writers on the "wrong guy" or the "bad guy" who is the "fun guy," versus the "good provider" we want to marry and be the father of our children? I've seen women who view their husbands or significant others as little more than an open wallet and I've seen men who treat their partners with disdain or disrespect. I avoid those people rather than expecting they are the norm.

Here's an idea, Lindy West. Why not avoid PEOPLE who think that way, regardless of their gender, and treat others with the respect you want to be treated with. It may not get as many shares on Jezebel, but you might be happier.

The good, the bad, and the terminally stupid . . .

Walking to work this morning, I took this shot of  newly reopened Namdaemun/Sungryemun and thought how much I love this crazy mixed-up country.

I was working at a local newspaper when an irate ajeossi set fire to National Treasure No. 1 in 2008 and was amazed it had no security or sprinkler systems. I've been walking past it almost daily as it has been rebuilt, and was happy this morning to see it open, and full.

I took this pic, crossed with the light and veered right, assuming I could enter the gate that way. There was no entrance so I slipped through the fence, wanting to get off the main street before the lights changed again, as it's one of Seoul's busiest thoroughfares. The mistake was mine, but it looks like the most obvious way to enter.

I then encountered another irate ajeossi, this one in a uniform, who tried to physically push me back over the fence, onto a road now full of traffic. The only English he could speak was the word "Go!" which he screamed at me loudly. I held up my hands, told him to remove his hands from me and took his photograph.

Well done, Korea, for restoring the gate. Perhaps you need to give your tour guides a few lessons if you want people to feel welcome here.

Another young prince . . .

Assuming today's expected missile launch does not escalate into anything more severe, I plan to spend Saturday evening at the opening of a tale of another young prince and his descent into madness . . .