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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tracie's Didn'ts

This post will need constant updates, I recognize that.

As I embark on another year, I look back on the things I (spectacularly) did not do. More to be added as I remember or get reminded by friends (?).

There were the two times I didn't get married.

Not-husband 1: Sorry Steve, you are a wonderful guy. In fact, I wish you were still around as I need an illustrator and the boy who will not be named wants to learn to surf. The engagement was my fault and not a good idea. It was New Year's Eve 2000 and I was at a party overlooking the Sydney Harbor Bridge fireworks and feeling a little lonely. Also planning to catch a subway home, then a flight to Hobart, Tazzie, to sail a yacht back. Way too many possible ways to die and I kinda wanted someone to miss me. Also sorry that it was so hard to dump me. I would have answered the phone but I'd left it in a Korean taxi and I was in a Korean hospital getting a hole drilled in my head. I now have a really cool panel-beating mark.

Not-husband 2: Also not a good idea. I'd already given my heart away and didn't have any other plans that year and thought I could help you. Lesson to self: people have to help themselves. Thank you for your mom (and a few of your subsequent fiancees), btw, at some stage you need to repay the money.

Well, there's the marriage bit done. What else didn't I do?

Ahhhh, Iraq! Still kicking myself for that one. Mention to a buddy that I want to go there and get gifted a job as senior logistics coordinator for the DFACs. Go to Houston for training. Realize that as much as I always wanted to be a pirate, I didn't think I could wear the KBR patch. Contract signed, need to remove myself from project. Done! It involved a little heckling and a lot of vodka and I think I can safely say I will never be on KBR's employment list again. That's okay, they have Bush and Rummie, they don't need a bolshie Irish Maori.

The farewell parties were spectacular. I bought a ferry in Thailand on my way out.

Didn't have kids. But borrowed a few. Thank you for that, parents and kids. Nuff said.

Didn't get enough sleep. Still a problem. You can sleep forever when you're dead may be a better slogan at age 20 than age aged. *whatever*

to be continued . . .

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